Dating 101: 5 WARNING SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

The signs of dating abuse aren’t as noticeable as bruises and beatings. If you are not aware of some of the most common signs of dating abuse, one may think this is the way a boyfriend is supposed to act.

Starting a new relationship is exciting, can be a very happy moment in your life and the start of a new chapter. However, it is very important that you know and learn the signs of an abusive relationship when first starting to date. Below, is a list of signs found in most abusive relationships. If any of these signs happen to show up in your relationship, get help.

1. Constantly Checks In on you – if your boyfriend is a sweetheart and wants to hear about your day at work or school that is absolutely fine. But, if he constantly calls you, wants a full recap or report about your every move and a description of who you have been with, then something is not right.

2. Lies To You – Honesty and trust are two of the most important characteristics to any healthy relationship. If your boyfriend is lying to you regularly and lying to you about important information you feel you should know, that relationship is not worth keeping.

3. Won’t Let You Talk To Other Guys – Remember, you can talk to whoever you want not matter their gender. If your boyfriend becomes suspicious or a little curious, then he should have a mature conversation with you. He may not dictate to you or control your behavior.

4. Loses Temper Quickly and Often – If he snaps on you about the tiniest things and then manipulates you into believing it’s your fault, something is wrong with him not you.

5. Threatens To Hurt Himself – The use of fear is a manipulation tactic. If he tells you “I’m about to drive my car in to a pole,” that is the use of fear and he is playing a game. Threats of any kind should always be taking seriously, so seek help immediately. But you do not have play his games.

For help and more information, visit www.hazaelhaven.com.

The Love Misconception

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We live in the city of brotherly love, but what does love really mean? We all know that it isn’t quite how Disney portrayed it at the end of Cinderella, when we get to ride off into the sunset with our prince charming. Yet love is not painful, hurtful, distrustful, or violent like many women are lead to believe every day. Between 600,000 and 6 million women are victims of domestic violence each year and some studies suggest that at least 3.3 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually. Domestic violence is not love.

If love is not violent and it is not fairytale- then what is it? We at Hazael Haven believe in God’s definition of love. We believe that “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”( 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Love is kind. It is whole. It is fulfilling. It is joyful. One in four women has experienced domestic violence in her lifetime, and we need to stand up for them. We can help them to know they are loved, not like the movies and not with an iron fist, but with real love.

Stand up with us.

Resources:

(Carlson, Bonnie E. (1984). Children’s observations of interpersonal violence. Pp. 147-167 in A.R. Roberts (Ed.) Battered women and their families (pp. 147-167). NY: Springer. Straus, M.A. (1992). Children as witnesses to marital violence: A risk factor for lifelong problems among a nationally representative sample of American men and women. Report of the Twenty-Third RossRoundtable. Columbus, OH: Ross Laboratories.)

(Rennison, C. (2003, Feb).  Intimate partner violence.  Us. Dpt. of Justice/Office of Justice Programs.  NXJ 197838.
Straus, M. & Gelles, R. (1990).  Physical violence in American families.  New Brunswick, N.J.: Transaction Publishers.
Tjaden, P., & Thoennes, N. (2000).  Extent, nature, and consequences of intimate partner violence.  National Institute of Justice, NCJ 181867.)

(The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and The National Institute of Justice, Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence, July     2000. The Commonwealth Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman’s Lifespan: 1998 Survey of Women’s Health, 1999)